


Chassis

by JoAsakura



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoAsakura/pseuds/JoAsakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a few bugs in the system</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chassis

**Author's Note:**

> so, I wrote this for the ME kinkmeme.
> 
> http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/4611.html?view=16407299#t16407299
> 
> It's.. well.. silly. ^^;;
> 
> Post-Control EC DLC ending. ReaperShep.

**Email Attempt 1:**

[Kaidan. I miss you.] The Guardian, floating over the Atlantic Ocean, looks at the text scrolling across his eyes, thinking the words into electronic life. [It would be beneficial if I could maintain a contact with humanity, and thereby not lose perspective and you have a magnificent ass]

[No. nonono. Terrible. No.] The Guardian deletes them with a frustrated noise that terrifies a nearby school of whales.

**Platform Build Phase 1:**

[What the hell.] The Shepard said within their gestalt communications.

On the outside, the two giant Guardians appeared to be silent, sleeping even. Until the long fingers on one twitched in a very human gesture of annoyance.

[What?] Harbinger replied as the keepers put the last touches on their work. [You said you wanted a human-sized mobile platform]

[Harbinger. Have you ever actually looked at a human?] The Shepard sighed. [I mean, do you remember the human protoreaper you made? it had two eyeballs in one socket!]

[You don't like it.] Harbinger sulked.

[I can tell you from personal experience, the human penis does not have an opposable thumb.]

**Email Attempt 2:**

[Kaidan. I miss you.] The Guardian nods. That part's a keeper. [Especially your ass.]

It's moments like this when Shepard misses having a head and hands to slap himself with.

**Platform Build Phase 2:**

[Harbinger.]

[Shepard.]

One of the Guardians was fretfully shredding an antiquated chunk of skylab in it's claws.

[Why, Harbinger?] The Shepard sighed as the keepers took the platform apart. [You tried to have the human me killed a thousand times. At what point did John Shepard have a tail?]

[I spent many hours researching desirable sexual traits in mammals. A prehensile tail..] Harbinger started.

[I'm cutting off your extranet access, Harbinger. All of it.]

 **Email attempt 3:** '

[Kaidan, I miss you.] The Guardian wonders if he shouldn't just leave it like that. [I hope you like the taste of reapertech.]

[Shit. That's the worst yet.] he thinks. And then, there is a long, horrible moment after the Shepard accidentally indicates a preference to "send" rather than "delete"

It's official, the Guardian thinks miserably. Direct thought to electronic communication is a terrible, terrible idea.

**Platform Build Phase 3:**

[Harbinger...] The Shepard looked down at the platform warily.

[If you don't like this one, I'm loading into my cannon and shooting you with it.] Harbinger snorted as the Keepers did a little presentation dance.

It was tall, but not overly so. No appendages it shouldn't have, and an apparently correct number of parts on all fronts. It looked.. well.. not bad. Handsome, even.

[I'm... impressed?] The Shepard said, as he booted into it. [Oh god oh god oh god.. everything tastes purple.]

[We... might have to adjust the sensory input suites] Harbinger admitted, and even the keepers deflated.

**Email Attempt 3/ Response:**

(Shepard. I'm glad you still write terrible emails even though.. uhm. You're a ..what you are. And. I miss you too.)

**Platform Run:**

"You look... good." Kaidan said, running his hand over The Shepard's gleaming black chassis. There had been tears at first, and the platform had nearly crushed the Major in an attempt to give him a hug.

The Shepard smiled, tweaking the face algorithms as they talked. "I don't look like I'm going bite the head off a bat now?" The voice was good, gentle and a little rough. Harbinger at least got that part right straight out of the gate, he thought.

"No. You.. you look ...perfect." Kaidan said as he led him in. Then he stood a little on his toes, and kissed Shepard, slow and gentle. "I guess I don't mind the taste of reapertech, after all." He said with a little grin.

And when the couch collapsed under the platform's weight, Kaidan laughed.

[You did ok, Harbinger.] The Shepard noted to the other Guardian as he let Kaidan explore his platform in intimate detail.

~~

Harbinger floated in the upper atmosphere and watched the keepers at their work.

[I wonder if I should tell him about the heat dump problem.]

One of the insectoid creatures shrugged broadly.

[No, you're right. It's not like he's going to do anything strenuous with it.]

[HAAARBINNNGEERRRRRRR!!!!!]


End file.
